What are dating and romance scams?

Dating and romance scams try to lower your defences by appealing to your romantic or compassionate side. They play on emotional or societal triggers to get a response.

Some of these scams work by setting up a dating website where you pay for each email or message you send and receive. The scammer will create false profiles and send a whole series of vague-sounding emails filled with gushing talk of love or desire. The scammer might also send emails filled with details of their home country or town that do not refer to you much at all. These are all attempts to keep you writing back and paying money for use of the scammer’s dating website.

Of course, there are many legitimate dating websites, but scammers can target these too.

You might be approached by someone who claims they are terribly poor or have a very sick family member and are in the depths of despair (often these scammers claim to be from Europe or Africa). After they have sent you a few messages, and maybe even a glamorous photo, you will be asked (directly or more subtly) to send them money to help their situation. Some scammers even arrange to meet with you, in the hope that you give them presents or money, and then they disappear.

In other cases, the scammer might start off by building a rapport with you, perhaps even sending you flowers or other small gifts. After building up a ‘relationship’, the scammer will tell you about a large amount of money they need to transfer out of their country or that they want to share with you. They will then ask for your banking details or money for an administrative fee or tax that they claim needs to be paid to free up the money. This is a variation on the Nigerian 419 scam.

An alternative scam is that after building a relationship with you, the scammer will claim to have fallen ill or been involved in a serious accident. They will then ask you for money to pay medical bills or travel expenses to visit you. In some instances you may even be contacted by someone claiming to be their doctor and asking for money for medical expenses.

Regardless of how you are scammed, you could end up losing a lot of money.

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Warning signs

You are addressed by the wrong name or the email is not personally addressed at all.
You receive a photograph of a potential date and the photo doesn't match up (e.g. the photograph looks like it is from a magazine or the description the person has given of themselves doesn't match the photo).
Your potential date tells you that they love or desire you after only a few letters or emails.
The email is poorly written, vague or repeats itself.
You are asked for your bank account details or for gifts or money.
The emails become more desperate, persistent or direct if you do not send money straightaway.

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Protect yourself from dating and romance scams

ALWAYS consider the possibility that the approach may be a scam, particularly if the warning signs listed above appear. Try to remove the emotion from the situation and think before you act.
Talk to an independent friend, relative or fair trading agency before you send any money. NEVER send money, or give credit card or online account details to anyone you do not know and trust.
Do not open suspicious or unsolicited emails (spam): delete them.
NEVER reply to a spam email (even to unsubscribe).
Make sure you know how to stop any subscription service you want to sign up to.
Check the website address carefully. Scammers often set up fake websites with very similar addresses.
NEVER send your personal, credit card or online account details through an email.
Money laundering is a criminal offence: do not agree to transfer money for someone else.
If in doubt, talk to someone like a trusted friend, family member or your local fair trading agency for their opinion.

As well as following these specific tips, find out how to protect yourself from all sorts of other scams.

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Do your homework

Make sure you do some research on the internet dating site you are using—are you sure it is genuine? If someone you have never met in person is proclaiming their love for you and asking you to send them gifts or money you should ask yourself: could this person be a scammer?

If you have been approached by someone you met through an internet dating site who claims to need your help transferring money out of their country, delete the email, throw away the letter or say no. You should remember that money-laundering is a crime and if you agree to help out the scammer, you could be getting yourself in trouble.

If you still believe the person is genuine, seek independent advice from your solicitor or accountant or contact your local office of fair trading before you send them any money. NEVER give anybody you don’t know and trust the details of your bank account or credit card.

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Decide

If someone you have met over the internet or through an advertisement asks for gifts, money or your bank account details: do NOT respond. Never send any money, credit card details or any other personal details to these people—they could be scammers.

If you still think they may be genuine, get some advice from a friend or your local office of fair trading before you make any commitment or send any them any money at all.

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Report them

If you have been approached by someone from an internet dating site who you think may not be genuine or if you have sent money to a stranger and you now realise it is a scam, you can report a scam through the SCAMwatch website. You should also spread the word to any friends you know who might use an internet dating service and notify the dating website of your concerns.

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